As if

if i have known myself less, i would assume my heart was just foolish
Im tossin around with myself wrapped by the cozy blanket, and yet, im still turnin colder and freezin.
The problem is how cold am i towards situation that i have always been wrong to me and,perhaps to my surroundings. 

London is cold even in summer, because how unstable it is and how riddiculous of the weather forecast on iphone or on BBC ( i.e: tomorrow will be cloudy with 50% of raining), It's always fooled me, little by little, and yet, people still need something ( someone) to linger on, even it's not right, and even it's only 50% right.

So yes, I live in the world of gambling despite of my region not in Macau or Las Vegas or even the local casino. I am still gambling,to how my heart will feel each days to different situation. Or, just fool myself that ''even it's cloudy, the chance of raining is low''. The fact about London and England is simple, it's freezing, this by all means, applies to people as well. Civillians or humans are innocent, but they have sins, the sins of fragile,sins of jealousy,sins of being burden or be a burden of,etc... so they are cold, and this nature can,infact, effect me. I am cold with my face and emotions,but still, I'm glad that being NOT British makes me FEEL and UNDERSTAND,what's hurt,what's sad and so on.

But recall this again, is it so not projective it I just declared that Britain is cold,since the population made up by many nationalities. In other words, we are all the same. White,Yellow,Black,British,American,... we are all try to protect and avoid anything along our life.

So there I am, a simplest girl, who gamble in life,in how my feelings will make the tiny different in my world sometimes. Perhaps, I am such a coward, I can not stand the fact of being so righteous all the time,there,I slipped,and I struggling with my guilts.

But yet, I am still me, wearing the mask to blend in but I try,for myself, to be good, to be able to move my toes in the cold,breezy night.